Nostalgia Within

As an example of how reading a particular comic book has made an impact in my life. I hereby give you ...

The Nostalgia Within

As a student (and, my classmates tell me, part-time teacher) of language, there are times when I marvel at how truly expressive the English language can be. Of course, once one is exposed to the true depth of the English vocabulary and nuance, the world will be one’s oyster. One thinks its richness is unparalleled.

However, there are times when foreign languages can surprise you, delivering a word or phrase with no direct English equivalent or for which the best English equivalent is but an inadequate approximation.

One such word is the Brazilian Portuguese noun saudade (sa-oo-dah-day or sa-oo-dah-jhay depending on whom you’ve learnt the language from). I came across the word some years ago while reading, of all things, a Wolverine comic book. It was a riveting story which made me wish to study the origins and usage of the word. And my experience has been richer for it having found out its deeper meaning, unparalleled in my native tongue. Some may try to equate saudade to “I miss you.” A poor equivalence because it means so much more than that.

Saudade was once defined as "the love that remains" after someone is gone. .It is used to describe a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent person or thing that you genuinely love. With this state, there is also a kind of repressed knowledge that the person or thing you long for is either lost forever or suspicion that he/she/it may never return. A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people (such as a lost lover or an absent family member who has gone missing).and things whose current whereabouts are unknown. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure or well-being, which now triggers those senses and makes you live again.

One of my personal saudades has to do with an unlikely subject: grandparents. Both of my grandfathers were deceased well before my arrival in 1976 so I never had a chance to know them. I was barely two in 1978 when my mother’s mother passed away and I was not yet four when my father’s mother joined the rest.

As a result, I never got to experience the grandparental love that was common amongst many of my peers during my younger days. I actually was quite envious as well as in awe of other children who openly proclaimed before the weekend or a holiday period that they were going down by grandma/grandpa in so-and-so and spend some time.

Which is probably why I used to relish the trips to Princes Town, Indian Walk and environs my mother took my sisters and me on to visit our relatives there.. Those trips exposed me to the elder relations on her side of the family who, although not really my grandparents, offered me a true glimpse into the experiences I knew I was missing out on. And I am thankful for that, even though it meant that I eventually knew more of and about my mother’s side of the family – the Beaches, Rogets and Osbornes and more.

Of the three Scott siblings, my first sister is so far the only one who is a parent. She has a beautiful young daughter named Maya. And, of course, Maya is adored by her Trini grandmother. In their interactions I see a bond that I unfortunately did not have.  Saudade makes me yearn to be a part of that. It’s not so much that I crave the actual doting that grandparents are renowned for, it’s that I miss the knowledge of having someone to dote on me.

Maybe I shall just have to wait until I see my child’s child to get that relationship going. And I’ll see the end of my saudade although I shall be the one doing the doting.


Just to update you, my sister has doubled her advantage on me with the arrival of Marcus two months ago. Guess I have to work hard now to make up the deficit.