Melody's Vibes

Melody (not her real name) is the first lesbian I know personally. By saying that, I mean a lesbian who is my friend and is open about her choice to be who she feels she needs to be. (I know some suspected and 'closet' lesbians too.)

Melody and I met through a mutual friend at an impromptu lime. She is of African descent, has a sapodilla complexion, is of slim build and has a most tantalising torso and lilting gait. In short, she is a head-turner. She is also the mother of a primary school-aged son. She possesses a very lovely singing voice (or so I have been told; I have never had the pleasure of her singing for me).

As I got to know Melody better as an individual, she eventually revealed me parts of her story that helped me to comprehend the person that she had become.

Initially, Melody considered herself a heterosexual female, with a love and affinity for men. Those feelings started to erode during her pre-teen years, triggered by the treatment she received from her maternal grandmother. Melody was the result of an unplanned pregnancy, which both her mother and grandmother openly resented. Her father, though known, was an unreliable absentee drunkard whom they also hated. Melody's mother received an opportunity to go abroad and literally fled T&T, abandoning Melody to her grandmother's care.

Due to the unplanned pregnancy resentment, Granny gave Melody a very hard time, effectively punishing Melody for her mother's sins. Granny was rough in physical treatment and language, often making remarks about sex and sexual organs that were wholly  inappropriate for a primary school child to hear. When Melody started secondary school, her evening ritual upon arriving home was to subject herself to humiliating underwear and vaginal inspections by an ever-skeptical Granny.

For Melody, this led her to perceive sexual intercourse between men and women as not only a forbidden act but a bad one to do as well. Nevertheless she eventually succumbed to peer pressures and had (heterosexual) sex  in her mid-teens.

Perhaps in a bid to escape the terrifying clutches of Granny, she started looking for male companionship that would take care of her material needs. In doing so, she struck up a relationship with Rodney (not his real name). Rodney was a petty drug pusher who seemed to have an endless supply of ready cash to spend on Melody. Pretty soon Melody realised that Rodney's interest in her was almost exclusively as an available sex partner yet not in an exclusive arrangement. When she resisited this arrangement, Rodney would force her into compliance by gunpoint and violence. One of those coercive sessions resulted in her becoming pregnant for Rodney, eventually bearing him a son.

Mustering up as much courage as she could, Melody decided that she and her young son could not live under these conditions and she struck out on her own. And she has more or less been on her own ever since, facing this world as best as she could despite her disadvantageous upbringing. Surprisingly, she gets timely assistance from Rodney's mother, who adores her grandchild and dotes on him whenever possible.

Also, I must say that Melody has a lot of simmering rage just beneath her surface, tending towards anger very easily in situations that may not otherwise warrant polarised, furious responses. She also seems to have issues with authority figures at the workplace, which caused her at one time to switch jobs at a rapid rate.

Her experience with Rodney eventually turned her completely against heterosexual sex, simultaneously giving her a sometimes unhealthy distrust of men. With this realisation, she started to actively seek out the companionship and comfort of women, defining herself as an active (and proud) lesbian since she was 20 years old.

Melody's story came to mind when I was asked by the Lezline Blog about what I thought could make a heterosexual woman convert to lesbianism. I honestly feel that if Melody's upbringing had been more pleasant, she may not have made the choice she made.

I don't want you to think that I have a 'problem' with  Melody's choice (we've gone through several 'hunting in the same forest' jokes over the years, and not once has the thought crossed my mind that I or any other man need to try to 'convert' her). Being a lesbian is not a sign of weakness, inferiority or depravity; it is to me simply a choice of whom you choose to love and receive love from. And it certainly makes Melody a lot happier than when she was with Rodney ...